CSN-CommunityPost-Coping with Pregnancy Loss

If you recently experienced a miscarriage, it's important to find the support you need to get through this difficult time. For most women, the loss of a pregnancy is also the loss of a child and a dream. The grief that comes afterward can be riveting, complex, and confusing to say the least. Many women are shocked at the intensity of their feelings, especially if this is their first miscarriage.

How You Might Feel
There is no right or wrong way to handle a miscarriage. If you feel the need to cry, by all means do so. There should be no expectation for you to "get back to normal" within a set period of time. You probably felt a bond with your child from the very start of your pregnancy, so it's natural to experience a bereavement period that may include mild depression, isolation, anxiety, anger, guilt, and fear of future pregnancies. Many women blame themselves, wondering whether their own actions contributed to the miscarriage. You'll never know for sure, but you have to free yourself from feeling responsible.

Dealing with Others
Although miscarriage occurs in 25 percent of known pregnancies, most people don't fully understand the magnitude of losing a pregnancy. Because of that, your family and friends might not know what to say to you. Oftentimes, they end up saying something that you feel is hurtful or offensive, even though their intentions are good. Be mindful that your partner might be experiencing his own emotional rollercoaster during this period. Make time to reconnect and strengthen your relationship with one another. Encourage him to talk about his feelings as he feels ready.

Getting Support and Help
You may find great comfort in speaking with other women who have experienced miscarriage. It is hard for anyone who hasn't gone through it to truly understand the deep sense of loss a woman feels. There are many resources to meet your needs and lifestyle:

• Local support groups for pregnancy and infant loss allow you to meet in-person with women and couples like you.
• The internet can be a wonderful tool, full of message boards, supportive articles, and motivational journals that help you virtually connect with other women in your situation.

Other sources of comfort include: journaling about your thoughts and feelings; writing poetry; planting a tree or plant in your child's memory; or creating artwork that addresses your emotions. Another option might be having a small "closure" ceremony. This can be private, or include your partner, family and close friends. Collect the baby items of your choice, ultrasound pictures, and letters written by yourself and your partner. Hold a commemoratory service and either keep or part with the items in whatever way you feel appropriate. Some people choose to bury them, like a funeral, while others may place them in a special place to keep forever.

If your feelings intensify to an unhealthy degree or do not subside over several weeks or months, contact your doctor.

Life After Loss
For some women, subsequent pregnancies can bring a sense of hope, for others intense anxiety. You may notice feelings resurfacing near your due date or on subsequent anniversaries of your loss. Again, there is no right or wrong way to treat your feelings. Losing a pregnancy is something that you'll always remember and care about. But when you deal with your feelings in a positive manner and get the support your need, eventually you will feel comfortable bringing joy back into your life.